


His Smile, the one that You Love

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Dehydration, Drinking, M/M, Mentions of Bro Strider - Freeform, Mentions of Jade Harely, Mentions of Rose Lalonde - Freeform, Not Eating, Sadstuck, Suicide, my grammar is better than in the tags i swear, possible happy ending? i don't know what a happy ending is for you, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-19 00:11:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5948485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You love that smile of his. You couldn't wait to see it at the park where you two were going to meet up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Smile, the one that You Love

**Author's Note:**

> Sadstuck, possible trigger warning.  
> I'm sorry if I make y'all tear up!

You can't help but think about his smile, how you think it can light up the entire world when all the lights are off and the sun didn't exist. The same smile he gives you when the two of you hang out and you tell a great joke. When his dad died, he didn't smile at all. It made sense though, of course. Although, with a fair amount of attempts, you made him smile again.

Even if it was just a bit.

Even if it was temporarily.

You'd kill to make him smile. To see him smile. 

His smile, it's not the only reason why you love him. You could go on and  _on_ about why you love him. His jokes are incredibly unironic, but they still pull a chuckle and smirk out of you. He's the only one who can do that. 

His voice is cute, it reminds you of those stereotypical nerd voices in those movies and whatnot. His laugh... Holy shit, you don't even have to try hard to make him snort out of laughter. You've told him his eyes remind you of the ocean; they'd pull you in you would never be able to get out. He laughed it off, and said, "Dave! That's gay."

He wasn't homophobic at all. You came out to him and he hugged you tightly for what felt like eternity, telling you he hoped that everything was doing good for you, that you've found a few nice boys that were chill and great kissers. You were bisexual. He was straight. That night, you fell asleep in his arms, and in the morning, the two of you got a "CONGRATS ON THE CUDDLE! I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON!" cake from his father. He laughed it off and said, "Dad! Do you really have to make a big deal out of that?"

There was another time when he kissed you. He doesn't remember it, he was drunk. But you weren't. You can still recall the feeling of his arms around your neck, his breath on your skin. The feeling of his soft lips against yours. You love it. You've asked him over and over again, "Are you sure about this? Do you really want to go through with this?" He would always say yes. Yes, he did want to do it, yes, he really wanted to be fucked by you.

Sunrise. You put on your clothes, and put his clothes back on his bare body, because you don't want him to freak out and remember what happened. It was never brought up, to your liking. You hate it though, not being able to touch him again like last time. Ever since that night, when he offers you to go out drinking with him, you turn down the offer. You don't want it to happen again. 

 On his 25th birthday, you came over to his place and had a movie marathon with him. You ended up cuddling with John again, but he said it was okay. He didn't mind it being a little gay. In the morning, he opened his gifts. You got him a black and blue wrist watch and he tells you that he loves it. He rarely takes off his watch since he got it. The only time he does is when he takes a shower. 

He got drunk again after a few months. He touches your crotch and feels the body part that makes you a man (a dick). You got a blowjob that night, and you'd be lying to say that you didn't enjoy it. Who knew someone with so little gay experience, was good at giving head?

He asks in the morning what happened. You didn't want to lie to him, but you did it for your friendship. You told him that he was drunk and you had to babysit him all night. He makes a face as if he was trying to remember before nodding. He believes you, and you were glad.

Aside from all these events, what hurt you the most was this one.

You and John planned on hanging out at the park for memories and nostalgia. So while you were waiting for him, you sit on the swings peacefully, until your phone vibrates and your ringtone set for John, begins playing in your pocket. You didn't have time to answer, the ringing stopped when you took out your phone. When you tried to call back, he didn't answer.

You were paranoid. Extreme worry washes over you and you get off the swing and try to find him, looking around the area. Ambulances, cop cars. You run and try to find out what happened, when you find yourself at an intersection, a body you didn't want to see in front of a car. 

John Egbert.

That's when you fully dropped your cool kid act. John Egbert, your homo crush. John Egbert, your irreplaceable best bro. John Egbert, the person you always hung out with because his mother and father was gone and Jade Rose would be too busy to hang out.

**_John Egbert, your best bro, lying in a pool of his own blood._ **

You ran to his limp body, took him in your arms. His blood got everywhere on you, but it didn't matter.  _He_ mattered, though. You hear in the crowd, something about him being pushed onto the road. You drown them out. They don't matter.  _He_ mattered. No, he  _matters_. He will always matter to you, no matter what. 

"John," you breathe. "John. You're okay, you're going to be fine. Stay with me, bro. Stay with me." You're freaked out by how calm your voice is in this kind of situation. Your heart is racing, but John's heart was barely beating. And you didn't want them to take him away from you, but they yanked him out of your grip and you knelt there, in his pool of blood, crying his name.

This day, you didn't give a shit about how uncool you were acting at this time. You just wanted him to be okay. You just wanted to see his smile again, his smile. The one you love. 

You have a feeling you won't.

You beg the ambulance to let you stay with him, punching the ground until not only his blood covered your fist. They let you stay with him in the ambulance. You held his cold hand while they treated your bloody one. John will be okay. John will be okay. John will be okay.

You know he won't.

Fake reassurance. Keep your hopes up, but not too high. He'll survive. 

He's not going to survive.

When they arrive at the hospital, you watch them take away your John. You follow, but they forced you outside to wait until they finished trying their best to make sure he grabs a hold of his life again. In the meanwhile, you answered questions for him because he had no mother, he had no father, and his god sister was trying to get through traffic to be present for this gloomy moment. 

Why is the world still spinning? It shouldn't be, right now. John Egbert. Your best bro, the person you'll sacrifice your life for, is in the hospital with a low chance of surviving. Fuck the world, it's the reason why he's here. Who's the fucker who pushed him onto the road? You'll give him a giant scar for what he did to John. 

Jade arrives and she hugs you tightly. Rose is there as well, looking at you with soft eyes. She mouths your name, sadness upon her face. She mouths that she's so sorry for you. You hunch forward, crying Jade and Rose a river. They both hug you, and you're glad they didn't question your bandaged hand. 

You sob into the both of them, your breathing wavering.

They let you visit him. Jade and Rose went before you so that they could see him and leave, and you'd get more time with him. You're grateful for their smart idea, and when it's your turn, you walk pluck a flower out of the vase next to the small table beside the chairs.

"John." You say quietly. You sit on the chair next to his hospital bed, looking at your hands. He laughs, but it's filled with pain.

"Dave, I'm so sorry." He says in a whisper.

You shake your head, standing up and looking at his bandaged body, blood already staining the white cloth. "No. You have nothing to be sorry for-"

"I was never really drunk." That shuts you up. You laugh. 

"What do you mean, John? You know, in your head is probably catastrophe right now because of what happened and-" 

"Dave, stop. I... We... Look, Dave, we both know that I'm not going to stay for much longer but please. Listen to me." Your grip around the rose tightens and behind the shades that he gave you for your 13th birthday, your eyes begin to water. You don't try to stop it. He's seen your cry before, he doesn't care if you're not cool on the inside. 

"No, John, you can pull through."

"Dave. I love you." He's looking at you with watering eyes and you take his hand in yours and place the rose in his other hand. 

You crack a small smile, just for him. "What took you so long, Egbert?" You whisper. His grip tightens for a moment before loosening. He smiles back, but it looks semi forced and pained.

"I was scared. That's why I pretended to be drunk. It was the only way to get close to you like...that, without coming out to you. I don't know, I didn't want to take chances, alright?" It goes silent. The steady beeping begins to falter and your eyes widen with fear.

"John. Don't do this to me, bro. It's not funny." John laughs quietly, closing his eyes. "John, what I'm saying is going to be really uncool, but I beg you. Please stay with me. I need you. I need you for the rest of my life. Think of our future together, we'll finally be able to get closer and start a relationship, like how we've always wanted to in our fantasies. John... I love you." You give up. You hold his hand tight in yours and give him a soft kiss on his lips. You start the waterworks. 

"Dave." You push your shades up onto your hair, wiping your tears and looking at him. He looks at you back, and this time, he smiles. You know, his smile. The one that you love. It's not filled with pain nor was it forced. "I love you." 

You're full on crying now, and Bro will be displeased but understanding. He's crying too, but everything goes silent in the room. The only sound now is your sobbing. 

"John... John, no. John!" You yell, punching the wall with your other hand, screaming and kicking the chair next to the bed. You look back at his body and intertwine your fingers with his, finally calming down. "... I miss you."

 

The funeral made you suffer. It was hell, it was Satan's tea party gone wrong. Seeing him getting buried tore you to pieces. Bro placed his hand on your shoulder for the whole time, and when the cemetery begin to empty out, he pats your shoulder and left. Jade and Rose hugged you separately before giving you a nice, warm, group hug.

You hate it. It wasn't complete, John wasn't there hugging you too. The beta squad wasn't a thing anymore.

It was only you now, standing in front of his grave. You fall to your knees, tears welling up in your eyes. "John, you promised. You promised that we'd be together, best bros from start to end."

The gray sky begins to cry with you, and you find it funny. These kind of moments happen in movies and T.V shows often. Guess that God's crying with you, huh? 

You refuse to eat anything, you refuse to drink anything. No matter how much your stomach clawed at you and tore your insides out, you didn't satisfy your thirst or hunger at all. Bro came by a few times, trying to get you to at least eat or drink something, but to no avail. You pull your knees to your stomach, staring at his, John's, gravestone. You start getting nauseous due to lack of food and water and eventually pass out.

Sun shines in your eyes when you open them, and you blink a few times. "Jeez, it's about time you woke up, Dave!" You get up and dust yourself off, crossing your arms and looking at the figure in front of you. His colors are faded and he's barely transparent, but you can see through him if you squint hard enough. 

"Shut up, bro. I could really use a drink and some food right now, though. Maybe some AJ." He laughs and you raise a brow. He offers you a hand and you take it, fingers fitting perfectly together and ghostly warmth surrounding you two.

"I missed you, Dave." 

"Fuck you, Egbert, I was the one unable to see you." You give him a nice and passionate kiss before he continues to drag you along.

And the story ends here, with two ghosts exploring more of their new world.

**Author's Note:**

> Should there be a continuation? Let me know. :3c


End file.
